What Have I Done?
by Born of True Destiny
Summary: One-shot for my upcoming story, Trapped in Ice. Please review! Rated T just in case. Frozenleaf has done something terrible, and it seems that the only way to keep herself from falling beneath the weight of horror she has placed upon herself, is to embrace it like no other...


**Destiny is here with a little One-shot sneak peak of my coming up story Trapped in Ice. Please review and I hope to see you when the story gets published on the site!**

What have I done?

I just never thought it would ever come to this. Me, walking in the cold, bitter forest during leaf-bare, heart beating uncontrollably with regret. I know what I did was wrong, and I can't believe when it all happened, I was satisfied, _satisfied_ with my crimes. A shell of my former self, desperately trying to escape the echoes of the shrieks of pain I had heard. On the inside and out. I fell asleep one night, the memories curling my lips to a smile and when I woke up, everything was just wrong. Everything I had done, thought if doing, and who I was.

It was over for me. Now I trudge in the snow alone, the visions in my head causing me to hyperventilate. My breathing quickens and my sight blurs to a white flash across my eyes, as I begin to recall.

_I name you Frozenleaf._

No! No! I can't have this! I run away, ignoring the calls of my mentor, as I leave not just the Moonpool, but everything I have ever known, in which I don't deserve, I don't deserve it, not after the terrible things I have done

Many times, I am walking through the snow, head hanging low, rethinking my twisted life, and a heart beat later, I am lost within what I have now, if anything at all. A wall of blackness will hit me, forcing me to unconsciousness. It is all over. The stars I have committed to watch shine, now blink mockingly down at me, as I walk alone, without a choice any more. Who am I fighting for? Am I even fighting? Or am I just to push it all away, every chance I get?

My dreams were shattered when I realized, my life was an empty night of no moon. No one believed in me, and now I have blamed it on the cat, who couldn't help who he was, the cat I wanted to be. But who I was, who I became is the thing that ended up hurting me the most. As I changed from innocent, a dreamer to a cruel...oh, it's too painful to even think.

It is over.

As I ran away, I though I had abandoned my life, but what really happened, is that my life abandoned me, as it slipped away when my claws unsheathed that one day, pleading for what I wanted, to the one that couldn't give it to me. What was I thinking? That when it was over, that everything would be alright? That once I had settled things the wrong way, I would be able to sleep again? But it only made things much worse. Now I trudge through the bitter wind, going no where, no destination, no place where I would be welcomed, or be able to welcome myself, not as long as I could not change the past.

They say that whenever you make a mistake, you learn, that every weakness you overcome, it turns to a strength to use as you fight on. That could never happen to me, I made a mistake, I learned but I will find no place in the world, no place beyond any sky to help. What I needed was help, something I can never have, as long as this played through my mind to the beat of my heart, and as sharp as the breaths I took.

_This is my life, I'm trapped within ice,_

_No one to care 'bout the war that I fight_

_Don't know what I'm after, all hope is gone_

_As I run from my fears, but I cannot hide long_

_Because I'm trapped in ice, my soul is sliced_

_I scream in fear, but there's no one to hear_

No one can hear me, as I cry for help, as I plead that everything to be different, as I beg that it is all a dream. As I vow to turn things around. But what can I do, now that I have left it, now that my paws are freezing within the snow, as I cry tears that I can no longer hold back.

_The fire in my heart burns out as I run_

_Trying to escape all the things I have_ done

My life is over, I can no longer be Frozenleaf. I don't deserve such a title, a promise to the stars, that I shall serve my Clan, serve them. But there is nothing left to hold onto. Nothing left of the hope that I wish to treasure in my heart. I blame no one but myself, nor should I do otherwise.

_Dragging my soul along the ground_

_Trying to find out what was and what's now_

All is lost. I am no more, but a cat, walking in the snow as icy pain bites at my paws, and a leave behind scarlet prints on the ground, retreating far from where I came from, with no where to go, but any where that isn't home. I am a rogue, as I try to find my place, but never can, no place suits me, I suit no place.

_Gray skies and cold, no one to love_

_A blood-stained past leaves me with no stars above_

There are stars, but none of the wondrous forest of StarClan, no green trees, no promises of any sort of chance, that_ was _my last chance, the thing I have done that I have run away from, that I have failed of.

_Is there a point anymore, lost in the wreckage my heart_

_The fire's high, the ashes fly, as I struggle to forget every part_

_Leafless trees in the fog, and I try to find the piece of me that's lost_

_Drying blood under my claws as I run and realize what this war has cost_

It has cost everything, not just what I had but what I never did, my hopes of a real life, not just one stuck within a den alone, doing what fate has forbidden you, only dreaming of it, when you sleep and waking up, tears freezing on your face in the cold, as you pray it become real, but it never will.

_Is it worth it, to give up hope_

_When I'm already alone_

_What's it worth to live on_

_When all I've ever known is dead and gone_

Questions never to be answered, a destiny never to be fulfilled, leaving me with a predictable fate that I can only wait to happen, the sleep taken away from me, as I worry, as it all comes down like a collapsing tunnel, rocks tumbling from the heavens, crushing your ribs like scarred dreams.

_I'm trapped in ice, my soul is sliced_

_I scream in fear, but no one can hear_

_I'm trapped in ice_

I'm trapped in ice.

**I'm trapped in ice!**

Suddenly, a wave of dizziness hits me like a boulder, my paws freeze in place as I try to overcome the attack. By now, the world is a blur of flashes of white, and shards of darkness, like a starless night sky has shattered and is falling from above, it pierces me, I feel wounds split open, a let out a soundless shriek of pain. It is happening again. Visions of my sins claw at my brain and leave me with a numbing, icy agony, colder and even more painful than being stabbed in the heart with a claw as sharp and as long as a tiger's. I see everything I have been through, everything I have done, except it is all darker and much more dangerous than it ever was. It's the guilt I feel of this, striking me a thousand times over across the mind, and a shrill ringing chastising through my ears. The pain ebbs away, and I allow myself to slip into darkness.

When I can see straight again, I am collapsed on the ground, head pounding, heart beating. I ever so slowly, lift my head to observe my surroundings. The snow has disappeared. A dark, depressingly, murky sky hangs low to the dead ground, a barren, foggy ground, littered with pools of blood, and tufts of matted, unkept fur. A distict, lewd odor hangs deadly in the air. It is very cold, colder than a night of a leaf-bare blizzard, but yet, all is damp and sodden. There appears to be no sign of life for within tree-lengths. And that is when I realize where I am.

"Welcome Frozenleaf."

I leap to my paws and whirl around, facing a pair of passionless green eyes. They held a warning deadliness, almost like an omen, of darkness, pleading me a million times to get out. A cat reveals himself, a scrawny, reddish-brown tabby tom, with torn ears, and fur in matted clumps, much of it even missing from his pelt.

"I have been expecting you."

I bristle, curling my lips back. "I am not deserving of such a name as Frozenleaf, much more Frozenheart, or Lostheart. I know what I have done is wrong."

"Yes," the tom growled delightfully, rasping slightly. "Wrong enough, in fact, for you to be deserving enough to come here, and meet me, Redstone, in ideal of being trained, together, and with the help of many others, we can take down the Clans, isn't that what you want?"

"No!" I yowl, causing him to flinch. "I want nothing more to do with hurting any one cat, I walk alone now, alone and in cautious light. I wish to leave now, and don't think about coming to me again!"

Redstone smiles, curling his tail over my shoulder. "Do not fret, young one, I too have been of bad treatment in my life, I a cat of pitiful size, was teased for it. I was not believed in, barely became a warrior, and I hated the neglect that came to me. I had done nothing wrong to be proven worthless, but yet they treated me as if I was." He scooted away, flingling his tail back to his side. "Oh, but I got my revenge. You see, Frozenleaf, that you have also been treated like a nuisense, just a useless cat of the Clan, hidden in your brother's shadow like a mouse. Well don't you think that the cats who have thought this of you deserve to be terminated? Their lack of wisdom, forbid them to be watched over those a sacred as StarClan." He spat out some saliva, and looked back over at me. "Well, they are in for a hellacious experience when we attack, and side by side, teach them a lesson of reality. Us Dark Forest cats, only wanted to speak for what we thought was right, and then those cursed warriors, of liveliness and spirit, think they can just tread on us like dirt? Ha! They have no idea what will become of them after we punish their well-being."

I snarled at him, slithering stealthily like a adder, so we were face to face. "I told you, I want nothing to do with your mercilous schemes. My crimes were of wrong-doing, and if you think you can poisen my mind, to think otherwise, I bid you a savage after life, one worse than what StarClan has left you with."

Redstone hissed in frustration. "You unwise, demon! I know what is best for you! I have watched you, even when you beyond the barriers of my sight. I overcame all of that just so I meet with you. I know of your weaknesses and strengths, you think you can escape me?" He roared towards the dark sky and lunged for me.

I recoiled in fright as he gripped my shoulder with his jaws, stained teeth, digging deep into my flesh, I yowled in pain and tried to wriggle out of his grip, but he was too strong. I kicked and thrashed but it was no good.

"Get off of me!" I hissed. "I told you, never!" And with that, I twisted over, shoving him to the ground. His teeth unhooked, and a startled look came about his eyes. I ignore the blood pulsing from my shoulder and hold his own down, claws sinking deeper each heart beat gone by.

"Look at you!" He yowled, am awful cackle rising from his throat. "Not even a warrior and look at what you can do! Join me, Frozenleaf! Join me so we can destroy the Clans and take back our honor!"

"No!" I snarled. "Never!" I raked my claws along his exposed belly, opening a wound for each claw. He howled in pain and twisted and turned, but to no avail. I hiss with venom and lunge as swift as hawk. In the instant my teeth connect with his neck, blood spills from his wound. A shrill yowl tears from his lips as his thrashing paws collapse and his evil eyes cloud with death.

I jump off of him, and just as his blood reaches my paws, and get more visions of what happened. The pain is worse now, but something is wrong, I _like _it. The feeling of claws piercing my mind is actually delightful.

I shake the joyous feeling away. _No, Frozenleaf,__ you can't feel this way! Snap out of it you mouse-brain!_

But I can't. It's all too wonderful to be able to push away. It hurts terribly, but I find great rapture in the agony it gives off. Feeling it makes my heart beat, and my mind rest in worry, but within seconds it all floats away, like a soft, cloud in a green-leaf sky. My paw taps in the vileness, claws making small spots in the ground.

_What is becoming of me?_

There was no need for an answer. I knew, and the thought of it made all my guilt and suffering wander away. "Goodbye, Frozenleaf," I sneered at myself. "Ice is taking your place, nor now."

**So what did you think? I can't wait until I can get the real story up! I cannot guarentee that any of this will actually happen in the story, but I can promise that the same feelings come over Frozenleaf within the story. So thank you, and please review. For the love of StarClan, review.**


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